Waiting

It has been so long (like 10 years!) since I have been in this position (stone cold job hunt) I had forgotten one of the most difficult aspects of it: the nerve-wracking anticipation, uncertainty, and helpless feeling you get when you actually find, and are considered for, a job that you WANT. As frustrating and depressing as it is to apply for job after job that you aren't the least bit excited about, when you eventually come upon a job that you think you would really enjoy and feel fulfilled by, that's when the real feeling of powerless sets in. It's not unlike the feeling of being infatuated with someone-- when you start obsessively checking your email and phone messages.

Anyway, after applying to one mundane sounding job after another-- though any of these I would be happy to get-- I came across a listing for a job at a vegan restaurant that also serves a high percentage of gluten-free food. Besides the cuisine, the description of the place interested me-- as an environment that encouraged the employees to work in all aspects of the restaurant, with respect and caring for each other, the clientele, and the world. This didn't strike me as idealistic, but rather as sane. Why does it have to be the norm that there is an inherent conflict between employer and employee, and an ego-driven harshness, an atmosphere of suspicion, paranoia, and fear?

Anyway, from the description of this job, my experience eating at the restaurant, and an interview I had after applying, I got the feeling like this was the kind of place that I would start if I was going to start a restaurant. Where there was the possibility of the workers caring about each other and what they were doing. It wouldn't feel like a job so much as something to do with your life.

I realize that this whole "American Job" 'zine/blog is based on the negative, complaining, pointing out what is difficult and what is wrong. But what if I could actually write about what was done right? Maybe it wouldn't be as interesting. But anyway, I am not worrying about that. I really want to work, and I want to work at this restaurant.

At the time of writing this, however, I haven't heard back from them yet. (Which is pretty much why I'm trying to make myself feel better by writing this!) All the other job listings pale in comparison, but I keep looking-- partly in a way of protecting myself from getting my hopes up-- and to not let too much time go by if I DON'T get this job. Actually, I saw another interesting job today-- but more on that later. Right now I just keep checking my email, checking my phone messages....